Tales From Another Broken Home...

I guess things are not how they used to be

There's no more normal families

Parents act like enemies

Making kids feel like it's world war III

No one cares, no one's there

I guess we're all just too damn busy

Money's our first priority

It doesn't make sense to me...

'Crazy' - Simple Plan

I have not been blogging much recently, as I've just been trying to get my head together. It's very, very hard... I'm really struggling to find myself at the moment, because I'm suddenly being forced to act differently, and try to "help myself."

I adore young children... They have that weightless freedom, before that teenage angst sets in and we're basically told the world sucks. I miss being able to have all that fun. My fun stopped at 11 years old. And my god do I miss that world...

It makes my heart sick, to see children, being suddenly thrust into this dark world at such a tender age. It breaks my heart to be picked up from school, and the first thing my 2 year old sister says to me is "Mummy is crying again." What a twisted world for even a 2 year old to have a grasp of what is going on behind closed doors.

If I ever have children, I will probably shelter them alot, and I know this will probably be quite bad in the long-run. But I want to try and keep them innocent for as long as possible, I do not believe a young teenager should have to face such problems adults are giving us these days.

I have to have counselling now, because of what I went through these last few years. I haven't had much of a teenage life, and now that's left me not even acting like a "teenager." I barely leave the house, only for school if I can help it, because I want to be shut off completely from that outside world. I'm completely content with being alone. But suddenly I'm being forced to change. I have to... talk more, to my family...

This should not be hard, but it is, as because I have been told things I wish I hadn't. I had this weightlessness of a child taken away and forced to grow up fast. The emotions are still raw, and I am crying now.

However, all of this makes me stronger. And I resolve to take back that innocence of a child, being able to be carefree... I will NOT give up on it. And I believe this is why I love Lolita, it allows me to see the beauty of the world again, like you did when you were young.

It will be hard, very very hard, and I know this - but I know for a FACT there are still things to love about life. The beautiful growth of love may sometimes be hidden by harsh weeds, but they are there, and I resolve to find them. And I believe, the darker, more heart breaking things that surround you - the brighter that light at the end of the tunnel, and you can really appreciate what you have more.

I'm on the road to recovery... I hope. And this is by watching the small things in life that make me smile - the same things that a young child enjoys. It's lovely as a child, the world is a wonderland, full of such beautiful things, and you worry about nothing.

xx

Princess Roxy

Melody

Lonely Lolita
Originally uploaded by amorvill

& I find that I'm never alone

& I find that my heart is my home

& the music within makes me whole

A world that I built on my own

& I know that I'm never alone

& I know that my heart is my home

Every missing piece of me

I can find in a melody

'Melody' - Kate Earl

This song always makes me think of the Lolita fashion.

It's really odd that I'd listen to something like this (Typically I listen to rock music) but then again, no one would really think I secretly love beautiful dresses either!

Why is it we are drawn to Victorian parasols, poofy petticoats, and (sometimes) have impulsions to wear cakes on our heads?

Is 'Lolita' in our DNA? Was it destiny to find this fashion/lifestyle?

I guess Lolita is a sort of 'escape'. I find even just wearing a rose ring, or maybe just a blouse can make getting through the day just that little bit easier.

I recently bought a new umbrella, it was very very cheap, but beautiful and countless amounts of people commented on it. It was black, with roses on it with a ruffle trim, and I was so glad when in the morning going into school it was raining so I had an excuse to use it.

Many people stared, some people smiled, one of my friends said it "made her day". I'm generally a shy person, and don't particularly like attention, but walking along with that pretty umbrella held over my head... It felt good. I felt like I could do anything and no one would ruin my day.

How is it that Lolita does this?

To quote LoliGirls it is "Looking at that flower on the sidewalk - not the broken sidewalk".

For you is 'Lolita fashion' exactly that - a fashion. Or does it make you feel more?

Maybe someday you'll get told to "grow up", but it's not hurting anyone, and if it makes you happy then it's surely a good thing...

So put on those ruffles, place a cupcake on your head if you so wish (although I'm more partial to Gothic myself) and go step out into your kingdom.

And remember you are never alone.

xx

Princess Roxy

Dance With Me

Wakeshima Kanon Promotional 01
Originally uploaded by Zryo

"I watch the moon gliding on the dark clouds above me and
Playing beneath my toes as I dance past silver pools.
The enticing tune leads me further from home, I feel the
Haunting tune right in my bones and I shiver at its beauty.

I dip gracefully under the rope secluding the dark wonderland
That keeps drawing and drawing me closer. The blazing candles
Cast multiples of my shadows that happily dance with me.
The light tune of a cello is brushed along the breeze.

The carousel turns slowly and I am drawn towards it in a trance.
The horses with gilded manes and tails of burnished bronze
Are calling to me, they want to dance with me in the moonlight.
I glide gently in my Mary Janes and mount a ghostly steed.

The eerie tune still plays in my ears as the wind plays in my hair
And I can feel your spirit watching me from afar in the shadows.
I dismount and wander towards the ferris wheel, where the
Ghost-like melody still lingers around me as I enter a gondola.

Whispers on the wind call to me, and I hear metallic moans of protest
As I am slowly lifted up towards the top of the wheel and the moon.
Small bobs of light below look like sprites and faeries, ‘tis a beautiful sight,
And I know they wish to dance with me throughout the night... "

This is a poem I wrote some time ago inspired by a song called 'Kagami' by Kanon Wakeshima (photo). You can listen to it here.

Whenever I listen to it I imagine a Lolita playing at an abandoned carnival. However, after reading a translation of the lyrics it is actually a song to do with Snow White...

I would love to hear any comments on my writing - it is a passion of mine.

Princess Roxy

xx