Wednesday, 23 December 2009

We've Come A Long Way...

15 things I've done this year, some proud of, some not... Oh well :)

15) Hid in my room all day.
14) Danced outside in the rain.
13) Felt like I couldn't trust.
12) Told people secrets.
11) Didn't want to face the world.
10) Stayed up all night talking.
9) Made new friends.
8) Became closer with old ones.
7) Fell in hatred.
6) Fell in love.
5) Lost my heart.
4) Found a better version of myself.
3) Made someone cry.
2) Cried in public without shame.

1) I can hold my head up high, and say I have no regrets :)

Merry Christmas everyone~! :) And if you have time please visit Midnight Soj. A blog by my best friend that I love reading~<3


Princess Roxy

Monday, 21 December 2009

Tales From Another Broken Home...

I guess things are not how they used to be
There's no more normal families
Parents act like enemies
Making kids feel like it's world war III

No one cares, no one's there

I guess we're all just too damn busy
Money's our first priority
It doesn't make sense to me...

'Crazy' - Simple Plan

I have not been blogging much recently, as I've just been trying to get my head together. It's very, very hard... I'm really struggling to find myself at the moment, because I'm suddenly being forced to act differently, and try to "help myself."

I adore young children... They have that weightless freedom, before that teenage angst sets in and we're basically told the world sucks. I miss being able to have all that fun. My fun stopped at 11 years old. And my god do I miss that world...

It makes my heart sick, to see children, being suddenly thrust into this dark world at such a tender age. It breaks my heart to be picked up from school, and the first thing my 2 year old sister says to me is "Mummy is crying again." What a twisted world for even a 2 year old to have a grasp of what is going on behind closed doors.

If I ever have children, I will probably shelter them alot, and I know this will probably be quite bad in the long-run. But I want to try and keep them innocent for as long as possible, I do not believe a young teenager should have to face such problems adults are giving us these days.

I have to have counselling now, because of what I went through these last few years. I haven't had much of a teenage life, and now that's left me not even acting like a "teenager." I barely leave the house, only for school if I can help it, because I want to be shut off completely from that outside world. I'm completely content with being alone. But suddenly I'm being forced to change. I have to... talk more, to my family...

This should not be hard, but it is, as because I have been told things I wish I hadn't. I had this weightlessness of a child taken away and forced to grow up fast. The emotions are still raw, and I am crying now.

However, all of this makes me stronger. And I resolve to take back that innocence of a child, being able to be carefree... I will NOT give up on it. And I believe this is why I love Lolita, it allows me to see the beauty of the world again, like you did when you were young.

It will be hard, very very hard, and I know this - but I know for a FACT there are still things to love about life. The beautiful growth of love may sometimes be hidden by harsh weeds, but they are there, and I resolve to find them. And I believe, the darker, more heart breaking things that surround you - the brighter that light at the end of the tunnel, and you can really appreciate what you have more.

I'm on the road to recovery... I hope. And this is by watching the small things in life that make me smile - the same things that a young child enjoys. It's lovely as a child, the world is a wonderland, full of such beautiful things, and you worry about nothing.


Princess Roxy

Tuesday, 15 December 2009

Oh, Maiden, Advance With A Sword and Rose

You must forgive me, dear princesses, there was a specific thing which I wanted to blog about today, but for now my head is far too jumbled - I just tried writing it out, but honestly it would make sense to no one... Tomorrow I shall try writing it again, but for now, I want to share with you an article I typed up.

For christmas, I bought one of my friends a Gothic and Lolita Bible, and just could not resist the urge to have a flick through it when it arrived...

I mostly just glanced at the pictures, but there was one article near the front which caught my eye and I scanned over it. I began making a few notes, just little somethings to remind myself/cheer myself up. Before I knew it I was going back and copying most of it down...

There is a paragraph or two I missed out, and obviously I only typed up the important bits - but it is definitely worth reading (even if you are not familiar with Lolita).

" Before I knew it I was a Lolita Maiden.
You are a chosen maiden, a born aristocratic maiden. I understand you well. You’re a dreamer and a visionary who is here in body, but not in spirit.

“I am a special maiden.”

One cannot learn true kindness unless one becomes strong. Nothing will come of indulging in the comfort of lukewarm idleness. It’s trifling and foolish to look at the same things others see and try to discover something interesting from such. After all, there are many more wonderful things, yet-unknown things, beautiful things that will take your breath away in your world. I know you can find these things.

Cotton candy envelopes your heart. Scarlet roses bloom in your eyes. The taste of honey forever spreads on your tongue. Your hair is soft and your skin is smooth. You are a maiden who was born to be a Lolita. You exist in a cocoon. The light of the sun and the glistening of the moon gently fall upon you there. You want to stay in there forever with your eyes closed. While you wish for that, the dreams that fall gently upon you there are woven like a sweet layer of powdered sugar...

But girls with a highly developed sense of beauty are intelligent. Have you realized that behind the fluffy cuteness lies hidden a well-honed sword, the blade of which shines brightly?
That’s right. After all, you already know, don’t you? That this world does not consist of only beautiful things? That somewhere there lurks malice that intends to do you harm? That roses have thorns so that they remain sublime? And that sometimes, you must fight to protect that which is dear to you?

Gothic and Lolita clothes are a maiden’s armour, which even a knight’s armour cannot compare to. A maiden’s lace is her steel. Her ribbons are chains. Her dress hat is her helmet, and she surreptitiously changes the blood that flows from her wounds into true red rose petals. Thus, the maiden fights. After all, to live is to fight, and to become beautiful is to become stronger.

You are a noble that no one may touch, you are cute and yet tragic. Yes, the ideal aristocratic maiden, in my imagination, is very much like you.

Say, I can see wings on your back – elegant wings, with the luster of velvet. Please keep flying freely, without fear. Even if someone should hurt you, you will end up landing in the right place. I know this well, because once upon a time, I was like you, too. "

By Arika Takarano of ALI PROJECT

To be honest I need to allow myself to let it all sink in for a while, and keep referring back to it, but I do believe it was beautifully written... And very, very true...

(I must now go and wrap up said gift ^^;... )

I hope this will tide you over for today, and tomorrow I shall do alot of writing of things that have been occupying my head lately...


Princess Roxy

Wednesday, 9 December 2009

Playing In Imaginary Worlds

Originally uploaded by hmarynka.

"In my field of paper flowers
And candy clouds of lullaby
I lie inside myself for hours
And watch my purple sky fly over me

Don't say I'm not in touch
With this rampant chaos
Your reality
I know well what lies beyond my sleeping refuge
The nightmare, I built my own world to escape..."

Imaginary - Evanescence

When something is going bad, or you're in a situation you do not like... Do you find it easy to allow yourself to slip away?

I find I live in my head alot - I do not know if this is necessarily a good or bad thing... I guess it's up to you. I find it easy to do and time seems to pass ever so quickly, and I feel inside myself is a safe place.

Always remember, no matter what, someone cannot control your thinking, and in your mind is the one place they cannot get to you - Regardless of what physical harm or daily stress you are going through, you can easily slip away to this imaginary land that no one can get to.

And this is why I love it.

I make up stories, go through hundreds of 'What If's...' and sometimes I am the princess heroine that saves the day. Some days I imagine how my life would be if I had something, others I decide to relive memories or create a memory I so dearly wish could come real...

However, it is important not to become delusional with your thoughts - I know many, many things I imagine will never, ever come true. But I still think them because it is almost like a comfort to me. And it gives me hope.

Whether it be escaping the dull school classroom, or putting myself in a sanctuary where real life troubles can no longer hurt me, or just making up something fun in my head... I play in my Imaginary World. And I know many other people live in this bubble too.

Sometimes I just need to remember to come out of that bubble so I can experience fun in real life too - however this will take some time, learning to trust again, and carefully watching life from my bubble...

I know one day I will not rely on it - like when a child grows out of an imaginary friend. But for now it is a lot of fun pretending I live in the Victorian times, with weird creatures and a Prince Not-Charming who will make me feel whole again.


Princess Roxy

Tuesday, 1 December 2009

First Frost...

A nice December 1st, and for me in England the first Winter Frost.

At the beginning of each month I'm going to have links to things online I have found that I think are awesome. So here we go!

GivesMeHope ~ "GMH is where people share with the world their most hopeful, uplifting moments and allow others to draw strength from their experiences."

Operation Beautiful ~ A wonderful site dedicated to changing negative thoughts women have about themselves, and making people know they are beautiful. I've joined the mission - have you? :)

"Talking To Bugs" (Lolita story) ~ An awesome Lolita story written by someone on Livejournal. It's got funny bits, sad bits, happy bits and of course is full of Lolita cuteness!

Sucrerie Mag ~ This is an online-magazine for Western Lolitas! The new issue is supposed to be out today, and I've been looking forward to it for SO LONG!

Brick By Boring Brick ~ Paramore is one of my favoirite bands and this is their new music video! Watch closely, Hayley Williams (the singer) is wearing a Bodyline jumperskirt!

Gala Darling ~ Such a wonderful blog - Gala has "Things I love Thursday", fashion tips, daily outfits and more! :) Well worth a look.

1000 Awesome Things ~ This is a personal favorite of mine. SOMEHOW this dude makes such everyday things sound so awesome, and of course I'm all for finding beauty in random, small things~
Plus, it gives me a chuckle every day ;)

That's all for now!


Princess Roxy